If they gave out silver medals for comedy, Sarah Silverman would totally get one. (A gold medal would be too weird, what with her last name and all.) On June 3, the star of Comedy Central’s The Sarah Silverman Program — who serves her verbal Molotov cocktails with a smile — hosts the film industry’s coolest (and arguably sixth most important) night: the 2007 MTV Movie Awards. First, let’s see if she can stand up to some Stupid Questions.
In an MTV publicity photo, you’re holding up the Golden Popcorn award and gazing into the heavens. What are you thinking about?
To be honest, I was just thinking, ”Do I look pretty with my eyes like this?” Turns out I do. I look downright adorable.
When practicing your monologue, do you bleep yourself just to get used to the sound?
Hmm. I can’t tell if you’re asking if I bleep myself or if I f— myself. I can’t tell if you’re bleeping yourself.
What are you the host with the most of?
I am the host with the most…vagina? [Sighs] The word vagina is totally in my bag of tricks. Still makes me laugh.
You might be able to get away with one or two. So, what mistake will you make while hosting the show that you’ll instantly regret?
I’ll say vagina too much. There! There’s your second one!
That’s actually the third. Say something funny about MTV that will make them uncomfortable.
Music Television sexually assaulted me in a parking garage.
You did not get an MTV Movie Awards nomination for Jesus Is Magic last year. Vast right-wing conspiracy or…pretty good call?
Well, it wasn’t big at the box office. And it’s not on many people’s radars. Plus, the nomination committee is anti-Semitic.
You were No. 50 on Maxim’s Hot 100 List in 2006. But this year you rocketed up to No. 29. How’d you get 21 notches hotter in only 12 months?
I don’t know how it happened. I just thank God and Jesus, and my heart goes out to everyone from No. 30 to 100 and, God help them, beyond.
Speaking of God, you had a one-night stand with him on your show. How does one talk God into guest-starring on basic cable?
[Condescending chuckle] Well, Daniel, of course he’s not really God. He’s a wonderful actor named Tucker Smallwood. But if this actor was really God, I would believe that he’s omnipresent, because his b—s smell like they’ve been everywhere.
You’re dating Jimmy Kimmel. Ever roll over in bed and wind up spooning Carolla?
Not yet. But only because Adam sleeps at the foot of the bed.
You guest-starred on two episodes of Star Trek: Voyager. What’s one misconception about Trekkies that needs clearing up?
Oooh! This is totally true! Since I did that in 1996, one thing I learned about sci-fi nerds is the majority — and you’re not going to believe this because it’s not portrayed that way in movies — are black. More black people than white people recognize me from Star Trek. Black people love sci-fi. That’s a serious fun fact. You’re welcome.
You’ve got 10 words to make the acceptance speech you’ve always dreamed of. Go.
”Thank you. I’m so grateful for this…” How many words do I have left?
[Pause] ”I have diarrhea.”