Seriously, you guys, for the second day in a row, I’m the only one on my floor. I’m so lonely. Will someone please talk to me about:
• Last night’s Age of Love. (Normally, my EW colleague Tanner Stransky would take this bullet.) How F’—in’ fantastic was that episode? This show (pictured) is pure evil, making one of the twenty-something “kittens” and one of the forty-something “cougars” think they’re each getting a private date with bachelor Mark Philippoussis (who my friend Eva has taken to calling “the Poo”) — and then sitting them at opposite ends of a restaurant and making the Poo run back and forth between them. As Eva pointed out — in one email exchange earlier this morning, which is just cruel, Eva — you find yourself flip-flopping throughout the show: one moment you hate the Poo (like when he finds young Amanda’s diet of pizza and chocolate cake fascinating); the next, you find him endearing (like anytime he acknowledges that the cougars are hot, fun, and confident). I did not see the Poo getting rid of Adelaide, whose kissing he dissed — especially after he walked away in the middle of a conversation with dreadful Mary. (Did producers encourage him to keep that one around?) If that girl had any self-respect, she would have asked him what that was about before she agreed to stay. And I kinda wish 42-year-old Maria had followed through on her plan to turn the Poo down, but I love that, for once, a woman told him he wasn’t showing enough of himself. Can I just say how tired I am of hearing women on dating shows saying they’re “gonna win” or they’re “not ready to go home yet.” At least pretend you’re there to find love and not just to win a game show or stay in a nice hotel. And, ooh, I can’t wait until next week, when the Poo (Mr. “My Kisses are Special”) starts smooching everyone. If you missed the episode, watch it here.
• John Stamos. I can’t bring myself to watch the video of his Australian media blitz, which is strange considering I can usually stomach cringe-inducing moments, so I need someone to tell me about it. And also to discuss how great it is that his sleeping-pill stagger was the result of his body being out of whack from a multi-country promotional tour that included a personal stop in Greece to vacation with Bob Saget.
• How am I going to lie to my dad about not waiting to see Live Free or Die Hard with him? I didn’t think he’d buy that I had to go on opening night because I’d been assigned a serious piece of investigative journalism… titled The Bruce Willis Tress Test. So, I’ve been pretending that I haven’t seen it yet. Adding to my guilt: my mother told me yesterday that my dad had been talking about the movie all day, and said that if I wasn’t counting on seeing it with him, the two of them would have just gone right then and there. This is such a crappy sitcom plot. Any tips on how you pretend that you haven’t seen a movie, especially when there’s “intense scenes of violence and action” that you will want to make sure he doesn’t miss (and maybe some moments that you yourself will want to look away)?
(Update: Eva just emailed again. She is my friend! “I may regret saying this, but I must…. This show may be as evil and as enjoyable as Paradise Hotel.” That’s on the record.)