I had high hopes for Pirate Master, but as the ten of you who read my weekly TV Watches know, the varying quality in episodes, especially early on, was enough to make me seasick. CBS has
finally officially canceled the Mark Burnett reality show, and will now burn off the remaining episodes online. A new one will premiere on CBS.com every Tuesday. Yesterday’s saw the end of Captain Azmyth, the show’s finest competitor — and one of the most entertaining, thanks to the fake accent he acquired when he first took his post. In case you were one of the six million people still tuning in, here’s what went down on the Picton Castle last night.
With eight pirates left, the rules have changed: The captain no longer gets to elect two officers, he or she alone must black-spot two pirates for possible elimination, and he or she has the right to keep 100 percent of the recovered treasure. After the Captain Azmyth-led Black Crew lost the expedition, the Red Crew (bikini-clad Christa, dead-weight Kendra, former officers Jay and Ben) elected Christa the ship’s new captain. Jay once again proved he’s an evil bastard when he suggested to Christa that rather than give Kendra her $12,500 share of the $50,000 booty (which Christa had decided to split evenly), she give Kendra $2,500 and tell her that she’ll bid $10,000 on the royal pardon that Kendra had to sell. (The pardon, by the way, will no longer be in play after this week). Jay suggested Christa then not bet on the pardon, keep that ten grand for herself, and get the rest of the crew to cut Kendra adrift. Christa set the plan in motion, but apparently developed a conscience, because Azmyth took the ride on the raft of the shame instead.
I couldn’t get the final part of the episode to play on CBS’ site, and I’m kinda glad. According to the official recap, Kendra resorted to poetry in her defense at pirate’s court: “ ‘My heart is here with my Captain and crew, breathing deep the possibility of treasure to be found,’ she reads. ‘The Black Spot does not cast a shadow, for I saw a red sky tonight, a sailor’s prediction of fair winds and good fortune.’” Please. At least make it rhyme.
Anyway, I’m pulling for Christa now, whose shown that she’s not only smart enough not to listen to Jay, but also to not look power hungry. (She asked each of the remaining crew who they wanted black-spotted, which took blame off her always-bare shoulders.) We’ll see if she’s still standing when PopWatch checks back in with Pirate Master in a month’s time — when the winner is revealed. We also look forward to reporting whether host Cameron Daddo breaks another sweat.