Dear Dancing With the Stars,
With the fall TV season just weeks away, I’ve come to realize, it’s not you, it’s me. Wait, actually, it is you. You and the former boy-bander. And the former TV heartthrob. And the charming but slightly awkward pro athlete. And the not-quite-committed country singer looking for a career boost. And the old dude who tries really hard and injects “humor” into his routines. And the supermodel/pageant queen. You see where I’m going with this? We’ve only been together for four seasons, and already you’ve gotten predictable, boring even.
I can still remember our first meeting. I was ready to dismiss you as this weird, bespangled throwback, but you came on so strong and so unexpectedly — all feathers and sequins and lights and stilted cover tunes — I never even knew what hit me. (Though, come to think of it, it was probably Rachel Hunter’s leg. Or maybe John O’Hurley’s cape.) Now, though, the intensity is gone. Last season, you started clogging up my DVR — especially once I realized Annie Barrett’s TV Watches were a lot more entertaining (and a lot less time-intensive) than spending every Monday and Tuesday night with you. Yeah, I’ll miss Bruno’s ludicrous critiques, and the “Live from Hollywood!” intro, and especially Maksim’s unabashed love of a plunging neckline. But I’ve got a photo of him (pictured, with Laila Ali) tacked to my bulletin board — and a hot date planned with The Bionic Woman come September. So please, DWTS, let’s always remember the good times — Lisa Rinna’s elation with scoring a ‘9,’ the Lachey-Burke routine to “Dirrty,” the Lopez-Smirnoff sho-mance — and best of luck to you for season 5.
P.S. If it helps ease your pain, DWTS, head down to the message boards below, where I suspect a lot of PopWatch readers will be preparing for the new fall TV season by dumping some of their old loves, just like they did last year.