Michael Slezak
August 20, 2007 AT 11:21 PM EDT

When I run for President some day, part of my platform will include the formation of the Department of Spelling and Grammar in Pop Culture and Store Signage. This will be bad news for Christina “Dirrty” Aguilera, Timbaland (“The Way I Are“? Seriously? This is a hit? Why?), Fall Out Boy (“Thnks Fr Th Mmrs“), and every artist whose name starts with “Yung.” All will be doing hard time in the clink, although none of them will have a sentence as long and harsh as repeat offender Nelly, whose new single, “Wadsyaname,” has left a trio of beloved words — what’s, your, and name — battered and bloodied beyond recognition. (Click here to hear it over at PopEater.) It’s the musical equivalent of that drug-store poster declaring, “Its you’re pharmacy!”

Admit it, you’re totally going to vote for me. President Slezak. My mom will love that!

Also: Who else should be taken away in handcuffs my first day in office?

addCredit(“Nelly: Stephen Lovekin/WireImage.com”)

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