Snap judgment: Ashlee Simpson's 'Murder' |

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Snap judgment: Ashlee Simpson's 'Murder'

You know how sometimes in the middle of ragweed season, when you wake up to the sound of your cell phone ringing early on a Saturday morning, and you look at your phone, and see that it’s your mom, and you know she’s probably calling to ask if you’re as appalled as she is by what’s happening right this second on Decorating Cents, but you think to yourself, “Could this be an actual emergency?” And so you decide to answer, but instead of “Hello,” all that comes out is a muffled, phlegm-y “Hghhhgh”? That’s sort of what Ashlee Simpson’s vocal sounds like on her new single, “Murder,” which features an interlude by Gym Class Heroes’ Travis McCoy, declaring that O.J. is his favorite Simpson. (Way to dis Ashlee on her own track, dude!) There’s something about the whole “I got a monkey on my back/ He helped me to get it off/ He helped me to get it off” business that recalls Gwen Stefani’s “this s— is bananas,” except for nothing about “Murder” actually is b-a-n-a-n-a-s. It’s more like h-o-t-m-e-s-s. Could this perhaps be the beginning of the end of Timbaland’s total domination of the top 40 airwaves? (That’d be kind of nice actually.)

I dunno. I have nothing left in the tank on this one. Shoot your own fish in a barrel in the comments section below. (Update: I’m 99.9% sure the embedded clip is not an official video, but since YouTube is the only place I could find the “Murder” audio file, you’ll have to endure outtakes of Ashlee’s sexytime photo shoot. Sorry!)