Youyoung Lee
September 27, 2007 AT 11:47 PM EDT

Ah, brunch: nowhere can the words “fight,” “whore,” “cheating,” or “sex in my suite” be found in any definition of it, but the second episode of Gossip Girl had me wondering why the only heat my brunches experience are hot sauce and a bloody mary (or two).

To recap, blogger G.G. brings us to the morning after the Kiss My Lips party — she’s so stoked about the turnout of events that she hasn’t even slept — when everybody, hungover, must confront the previous night’s hoedown. Dan frets about his date with Serena, which ended with a puny wave and a bump on his head. Jenny finds new meaning in life as she’s lured into Blair’s world, charmed by cocktail dresses and instant-mix popularity. Blair plots revenge against Serena as she pads around her Upper East Side townhouse in a corset and a sheer white robe, channeling Sarah Michelle Gellar in Cruel Intentions. (Um, who actually wears things like that?) And yep, the token minority friends continue to puppeteer after Blair, only breaking the monotony to furiously text.

Meanwhile, Serena might as well be walking around singing, “It’sSerena, bitch.” The way she struts around town trying to regain dignityis as painful and amusing as it was watching Britney gyrating wearily onstage at the VMAs.Much to her mother’s dismay, Serena’s latched onto commoner Dan, butonly, it seems, because no one else around her will give the girl abreak. Homegirl’s desperate: she approaches former BFF Blair again,only to be called a whore; sneaks away with Nate into a bedroom suitefor an explanation, which backfires; and is finally rejected by Dan,who loses interest after realizing that Serena is a sexual human being.”I don’t know, I thought you were different” — what, you expected herto be Mother Teresa? Oh, Brooklyn, hold thy holier-than-thou judgment —you’d sleep with Serena in a heartbeat, so why so cold?

addCredit(“Ed Westwick: Eric Liebowitz/The CW”)

And let’s not forget the Fight! Fight! Fights! There were nearly twoof them, to compete with last week’s two attempted rapes. Rounding outthe usual suspects was of course our best man Chuck. The problem withChuck is that actor Ed Westwick (pictured) so deliciously plays the badboy that it’s hard not to giggle. There’s something comical in the wayChuck’s just so ferally bad, so devoid of a soul and morals,that makes Westwick look like he’s having the time of his life. Call mesick, but I actually find myself cheering the hyena on, because atleast he’s not conflicted by moral imperatives like the other, phonygang around him who pretend that inside their pedigreed ribcages beatsa heart.

Alright PW-ers, what’s the news your side of town? Which socialiteare you rooting for — and disliking — the most? Is Jenny gonna go overto the dark side? Did the living statues at the Palace freak you outtoo? Did anyone else notice that Serena’s phone that sheunceremoniously dumps in the trash was an LG Chocolate this time, nother Sidekick? Speaking of which, what’s up with Verizon’s strangleholdon the show? And when are the writers going to give Kristen Bell betterlines? Hearing her quote Guns ‘N Roses’ “they came with an appetite… fordestruction” and sing “a three-way or D-day?” made me throw up a littlein my mouth, but that could be just me.

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