Marc Bernardin
October 25, 2007 AT 04:00 PM EDT

Ever wake up in the morning and think to yourself, ”I’d really like to dress like a Saxon warrior/furry pimp but I’ve got nothing in my closet?” Well Paramount’s PR department has just the thing for you: a 4-foot x 5-foot fake-fur blanket in a lovely stripey brown pattern. Seriously, cooler swag has not crossed our desk since the magical Transformers pen (which, at the touch of a button, transforms from a plastic wedge into something you can write with).

Why is this Beowulf item so great? Because it’s got tons of uses: makeshift bear rug, car-seat cover, Quest for Fire Halloween costume, really comfy adult diaper, tiger pit cover, luxury parachute, etc.

Thanks, Paramount! That’s two for two. Can’t wait to see what you guys come up with for next year’s Star Trek. (But you can’t just slice up this blanket into squares and pass ’em off as tribbles. That’d be cheating.)

addCredit(“Beowulf blankie: Jef Castro”)

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