TV's funniest quotes: Pick the week's best | EW.com

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TV's funniest quotes: Pick the week's best

TV's funniest lines from October 16 to 22. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

”Even if I wanted to express sympathy, I physically can’t.”
WILHELMINA (VANESSA WILLIAMS), DESCRIBING THE RIDICULOUS AMOUNTS OF BOTOX SHE’S HAD, ON UGLY BETTY

”I’ve been reading the newspaper to come up with some ideas for some topical sketches. So this week can we do ‘Business Section’?”
TRACY (TRACY MORGAN), ON 30 ROCK

”I’ve seen a lot of cable, so I get it. You’re just great!”
SUSAN (TERI HATCHER), AFTER HER NEIGHBORS EXPLAIN THAT THEY’RE A GAY COUPLE, ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

”Think of me as Yoda. Only instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I’m awesome. I’m your bro. I’m Broda.”
BARNEY (NEIL PATRICK HARRIS), TO TED (JOSH RADNOR) AND MARSHALL (JASON SEGEL), ON HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

”You’re not exactly the world’s easiest passenger. ‘Turn here.’ ‘Slow down.’ ‘Not this way.’ Now I know what it would sound like if my GPS was having its period.”
MONTANA (AYDA FIELD), TO CARPOOLING BUDDY KELLY (PATRICIA HEATON), ON BACK TO YOU

”You think I’m mean? Mean is not being able to drink daiquiris for nine months and still having your kids come out lazy brained.”
JOY (JAMIE PRESSLY), TO HER CHILDREN, ON MY NAME IS EARL

”Today, the Dalai Lama visited the White House. He rang the doorbell and Bush answered and he said, ‘Oh, let me get some candy.”’
DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW

”Former ‘N Sync member Lance Bass says that before he announced that he was gay, he thought that Justin Timberlake and one of the other guys in ‘N Sync were also gay. When asked why he thought that they were gay, Bass said, ‘They were members of ‘N Sync.”’
CONAN O’BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

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