Prison Break: Banged and Burned |

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Prison Break: Banged and Burned


Pb_lThanks to the writers’ strike, Fox has given Prison Break’s schedule an epic last minute overhaul. With more than a dozen episodes in the can, they’re not going to wait until December to air the fall finale, nor will they start airing episodes again in April. Rather the season cliffhanger dropped last night, and PB will be back on as soon as January.

Half of me says, “Yay!” The other half didn’t think yesterday’s show was much to sing about, much less a good breaking off point. Were we shocked when Michael was led out of Sona at the end? Not really. Do we think something terrible is waiting for him on the other side? Yes. Is it enough to keep us waiting with bated breath until after Christmas? You tell me.

Otherwise, we also found out a little more about Whistler’s secret identity. Apparently, he’s had a sweet little bachelor pad hidden from Sofia, where he kept a lot of shredded papers and a Jason Bourne-like stash of a U.S. passport and a social security card. The passport — issued to one Gary Miller in Dallas — sent Sofia reeling, but not enough to confront him about it specifically. Instead, she marched all the way down to Sona to catch him in a lie about the apartment before running to warn Linc that his life was in danger. Apparently, prison fighting beats assassin moves anyway, because he and Sucre still managed to dodge the Company’s millionth attempt to kill them.

Sofia’s discovery, however, did lead to her first run in with Susan— which was so underwhelming and drenched in forced lesbian undertonesit made me cringe. We know PB is a heterosexual man fest, but this feltlike a real lame, frat boy-pleasing, attempt at female sexuality.

As for Susan, the General ordered her to execute something called a”bang and burn” rescue to get Whistler out of Sona. First off, “bangand burn” sounds too much like a euphemism for an STD. But what itreally means is “fly in with a helicopter shooting as many guards asyou can and then grab Whistly off the roof.” Did it work? Of coursenot. Michael, filled with rage, grabbed on to Whistler, weighed downthe helicopter and foiled the whole thing (see photo). Oh, the moxie on that guy.

And the stupidity. Yeah, the guards were out to get him anyway. Buthe could have hid his identity a little better after the escape attemptby not changing into almost the EXACT same shirt he was wearing duringit. Or, like Whistler, going topless.

And yes, let’s acknowledge that we did get our first season 3 glimpse of the tattoo.

Lang totally punked out on Mahone and failed to get him the drugs heneeded not to make a strung-out fool of himself during his trial. I wastotally into her. too. Now he’s gotta go back to Sona — and Michaelwon’t be there to alternately protect and betray him. (An aside: Ifound it both odd and cool that Mahone’s Panamanian hotel room had myAnthropologie bed spread.)

Meanwhile, Lechero has totally lost his grip on the prison, but hasso many demands and rules involving the escape plan (which is foiledanyway now that Mike’s out) that he’s proving to be complete deadweight. My suggestions? Get the woefully underused T-Bag into what he’scalling “the Sona Hawkins Dance” and make this party interesting.

So what did you all think? Gonna hang in till next year? I am. Or was this lackluster finale the last straw?

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