'Gossip Girl': Happy Birthday B! | EW.com

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'Gossip Girl': Happy Birthday B!

Gg_lJust as we left last week’s Gossip Girl installment with a bang, we slide this week into the notorious morning-after: Blair drops by the confessional, demure in a lace-fringed shawl; Chuck cruises around Park Avenue in his limo; Dan and Serena play footsie over breakfast; and Nate and his parents blink dumbly at the New York Times headlines about the Archibald indictment. Man. And all I used to associate with the phrase “morning after” with was a mere walk of shame.

For lack of space, I’ll just be concentrating today on Blair’s 17th birthday party. B reveals that she cashed in her V-chip to Chuck last week. Um, what? Not that Blair hadn’t been repeatedly flaunting her virginity in front of Nate, but her non-reaction caused a reaction with me. And clearly there was some magic, despite Chuck’s claim that B “wasn’t that good,” as the bad boy suddenly turns a new leaf, heart sick. “Murder those butterflies!” Blair screams in response, which is probably exactly what she would say in the sandlot to a terrified Serena. Anyway, I think Chuck’s tail-wagging after Blair is—for lack of a better term—kinda cute. Evil as they are, the two have a familiar, no-pretense camaraderie on the show that would make for an entertaining love-hate relationship—and awesome make-up sex. But Blair’s wager with Chuck concerning Nate’s accountability? Excuse me, I didn’t know I was watching Indecent Proposal. Of course the girl could only stand to fail, since whoring is infinitely more costly than swatting off unwanted attention.

GG producers must have suddenly remembered that Blair wasonly 17, since usual nighttime vices were replaced by moreage-appropriate entertainment. Gone were unsavory activities like drinks,stripping, and attempted rapes—this time replaced with sushi chefs andGuitar Hero. The minority twins’ Sailor Moon outfit was, just liketheir existence on the show, completely unexplained. As for the GuitarHero challenge, let me say this: I’m a die hard fan. Really. So I was stoked to see the game featured on one of my favorite TV shows (and also on last week’s South Park), but couldn’t help but be distracted by the inconsistencies. First, Serena supposedly shreds Vanessa at the encore song, Lynard Skynard’s “FreeBird.” But what is she doing, exactly? She’s flailing around, spinningand tossing her hair, looking cute and fabulous. Let me tell you, inall the time I’ve played the game, the only thing that’s exciting aboutwatching someone play Guitar Hero is the occasional headbob. Everyoneends up looking weirdly robotic; your fingers are just moving too fast.So Serena’s rock-star charade is actually counterproductive. Showoff.Secondly, Vanessa’s retort that she could kill at Warrant’s “CherryPie” is equally unimpressive: it’s probably one of the easiest songs onthe game. Just like her character on the show, Vanessa offers no realcompetition for Serena.

There was one beautiful moment on GG yesterday, when Blair confirms that her diamond necklace had indeed been bought.Prayers answered, dreams fulfilled, Blair collapses to her knees,wringing her hands; the skies open, and (hallelujah!) music pours fromhigh above. But wait! In a Faustian twist Blair ends up receiving itfrom the Devil—er, Chuck.

What did you think of last night’s episode? Why isNate always approaching random people trying to spill out his familysecrets? Does anyone else think it’s weird that Chuck, Blair, and Nateare only children (at least, from what we’ve seen on the show so far)?Is it just me, or does Blair sound exactly like Alicia Silverstone in Clueless?And which Humphrey the elder do you hate more: Rufus or newbie Allison?To the producers: It’s not too late to recast for your Peter Gallagherlook-a-like.