TV's funniest quotes: Pick the week's best | EW.com

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TV's funniest quotes: Pick the week's best

TV's funniest lines from Nov. 13 to 19. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

”You know, I gotta say — it was very classy of you to not go for the crotch.”
THE DEVIL (RAY WISE), AFTER BEING HIT REPEATEDLY BY SAM (BRET HARRISON) WITH A BASEBALL BAT, ON REAPER

”Be with me, C.C. We’ll ignore our differences until the sex goes bad, and then we’ll walk away bitter and angry.”
JACK (ALEC BALDWIN), TRYING TO WOO CELESTE (EDIE FALCO), ON 30 ROCK

”I’m sweet like sugar, soft like suede, but unlike a piano, I never get played.”
HENRY (CHRISTOPHER GORHAM), PRETENDING TO COME ON TO L’AMANDA (MO’NIQUE), ON UGLY BETTY

”Nathan, you’ve got to be gentle! You’re handling nipples!”
JENNIFER, TO HER BOYFRIEND/TEAMMATE, NATHAN, AS HE ATTEMPTS TO MILK A CAMEL, ON THE AMAZING RACE

”Don’t whisper-yell at me. Don’t whisper-yell at me!”
COACH TAYLOR (KYLE CHANDLER), TO HIS QUIETLY ANGRY WIFE (CONNIE BRITTON), ON FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS

”That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Excluding the big-ticket items like genocide and famine.”
OLIVE (KRISTIN CHENOWETH), UPON LEARNING THAT LOVERS CHUCK (ANNA FRIEL) AND NED (LEE PACE) CAN’T TOUCH EACH OTHER, ON PUSHING DAISIES

”All we need is ‘have and hold,’ ‘sickness and health,’ and an open bar.”
KAREN (NATALIE ZEA) GOING OVER WEDDING-DAY REQUIREMENTS WITH HER BROTHER BRIAN (GLENN FITZGERALD), ON DIRTY SEXY MONEY

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