Job alternatives for striking writers | EW.com

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Job alternatives for striking writers

Dogbath_l

Dogbath_lAfter 21 days on the picket lines, talks are scheduled today between the Writer’s Guild of America and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers. The good news? Everybody could soon be back in business. The bad news?
During the last strike in 1988, it was Day 150 before both sides hashed out an agreement.

Since a cash-flow crunch can be especially hard during the holiday shopping season, we took it upon ourselves to do a little HotJobs.com search on behalf of all those unemployed writers on both coasts. Chin up, guys, here’s what we found:

Los Angeles
Company: Confidential
Title: Bather
Details: Bathe all-breed pets at a grooming shop. Upside: Little experience required. “Xnlt pay.” Downside: Smell of wet dogs. Risk of frequent scratching, biting, and yipping. Hairballs.

Company: The Hot Dog Shoppe
Title: Cook/Cashier
Details: Upside: $12/hour, and (presumably) free lunches. Also, doesn’t that hot spy chick on Chuck work at a wiener restaurant as part of her CIA cover?  Downside: A death knell for your far-fetched dream of attaining washboard abs.

Company: CARQUEST
Title: Auto Parts Handler
Details: Er, handling auto parts. Upside: Manual labor will keep your hands from atrophying now that you’re not frantically typing script rewrites. Plus, you’ll be able to rest your brain in preparation for all those late-night writer’s meetings when the strike finally ends. Downside: You have to lift things. Frequently. Things that can weigh up to 100 lbs. Oh, and there’s a drug test, so forget about numbing your body in order to lift said heavy things.

Company: Online Business Systems
Title: Salesperson
Details: Workfrom home in the world of unspecified Internet sales. Upside: All youneed is a home computer and “a positive attitude,” and you can make upto $120,000 a year! Downside: How’s a Hollywood writer supposed to getanything done from home, what with all the Golden Girls and Law & Orderreruns in constant rotation on cable? Seriously, that Blanche is toofunny! And don’t even get us started on Jerry Orbach’s one-liners.

New York
Company: Frederic Fekkai
Title: Part-time File Clerk
Details: Maintain “confidential” filing system in the human-resources department. Upside: You’re still working with paper. Downside: Does that confidentiality clause mean you can’t mine scandal-filled personnel files for future soap-opera plot-twists?

Company: Legal Creative Finance
Title: Lead Legal Word Processor
Details:“You must have worked as a Lead Operator in the Word Processing Centerof a medium to large law firm, and be fully familiar with all advancedfunctions on Microsoft Word.” (Does writing for The Daily Show count?)Upside: Salary is $75k. It’s Legal Creative Finance, so you might be able to spice up that legalese with the occasional Mitt Romney joke. Downside: You’re a sell-out.

Company: The Waldorf Astoria
Title: Electrician
Details: Maintain, repair and install electrical equipment and system throughout the facility. Upside: This is probably the same place the Peter Chernins and Bob Igers of the world are staying, but in this case, you’re the one with the power! (Literally!) Downside: Ultimately, you’re still relying on the Peter Chernins and Bob Igers of the world to pay your automobills.