TV's funniest quotes: Pick the week's best | EW.com

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TV's funniest quotes: Pick the week's best

TV's funniest lines from January 8 to 14. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

”I don’t drink coffee, sir. I don’t drink hot liquids of any kind. That’s the devil’s temperature.”
KENNETH THE PAGE (JACK MCBRAYER), SHUNNING THE ESPRESSO MACHINE ON HIS DESK, ON 30 ROCK

”May I speak? Because I’ve worked in film for 20 years.”
STEPHEN BALDWIN, STAR OF BIO-DOME AND SLAP SHOT 2, CITING HIS CREDENTIALS FOR DIRECTING A COMMERCIAL ON THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE

”What is going on down there? Last time I was in stirrups this long, I brought home a blue ribbon from Palm Beach Equestrian!”
WILHELMINA (VANESSA WILLIAMS), DURING HER GYNO EXAM, ON UGLY BETTY

”Nicole Kidman is pregnant. Isn’t that lovely? Congratulations to Nicole. And here’s the great news — she still has that little bed that Tom used to sleep in.”
CRAIG FERGUSON ON THE LATE LATE SHOW

”My brain’s not on strike, brother!”
JON STEWART, AFTER ZINGING RUDY GIULIANI’S ADVISER, GUEST DAVID FRUM, ON THE DAILY SHOW

”When I had a girlfriend, I actually made her prom dress. That should have been a clue right there, right?”
RICKY, DURING THE HIGH-SCHOOL FORMAL-WEAR CHALLENGE, ON PROJECT RUNWAY

”McCain really, really wants to be President. As a matter of fact, it’s number two on his bucket list.”
DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW

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