Working out to ”Sweatin’ to the Oldies”
How many (guesstimated) calories can you burn working out to Richard Simmons’ rereleased DVD Sweatin’ to the Oldies? Let’s find out!
80 Calories burned following a young Simmons on the 20th Anniversary Edition of the high-school-prom-themed Sweatin’ to the Oldies, as he animatedly leads a moderately energetic 45-minute workout to such pop classics as ”Peggy Sue,” ”It’s My Party,” and ”Beyond the Sea.”
10,000 Calories burned by ”Beyond the Sea” crooner Bobby Darin rolling in his grave.
25 Calories burned shuddering at Simmons’ trademark skimpy tank top and all-too-short shorts.
10 Calories burned vainly hoping that the band providing the music will break into something by Napalm Death.
.7 Calories burned wondering if Simmons’ decision to dance ”the twist” to ”Great Balls of Fire” and not to ”The Twist” is connected to the latter having been performed by CHUBBY Checker.
30 Calories burned feeling remorseful about above snarkiness when Simmons heartbreakingly reveals in a recent bonus interview how, as an overweight, guilt-stricken child, he would eat a pound of baloney while crying his eyes out.
870 Calories gained consuming a Simmons-inspired baloney sandwich.