Amy Ryan
February 19, 2008 AT 12:00 PM EST

Really, who better to serve as a safe-sex spokesman to the youth of America than idol of millions Marky Ramone? The drummer of the defunct punk band is selling his own line of condoms (jimmy hat tip to Pitchfork, whose news item features the obligatory joke about the Ramone condoms being effective only in frenetic, two-minute bursts). Just in time for National Condom Week, you can buy Marky’s signature safe-sex kit, which includes two condoms, some lube, and a commemorative tin stamped with a variation of the Ramones’ logo (new slogan: “Too Tuff to Break”). Which is all well and good, but perhaps the punk legend should go one step further and write a song for a safe-sex PSA. I’ve even started him off, rewriting the lyrics to the Ramones’ “Teenage Lobotomy”:

STDs did a job on me
Now I am a real sickie
Guess I’ll have to break the news
‘Bout the sores and burning ooze…

Well, you get the idea. Of course, you’re welcome to write your own jingle (keep it clean!), or suggest another celeb whose brand of condoms you’d be eager to buy.

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