Lynette Rice
March 07, 2008 AT 05:00 AM EST

CBS’ Big Brother never pretended to be a charm school, but the current housemates of season 9 make a strip club look like a debutante ball. Just how skanky are these people? Let us count the ways.

Exhibitionist match
Roomies achieved new groping heights on the BB webcam by engaging in oral sex (Matt and Natalie, above), bathroom sex (Ryan and Jen), and a naked pool orgy (pretty much everybody, including bicyclist/gay-porn actor James).

Insensitivity training
Adam, who did PR for the United Autism Foundation, called his benefactors ”retards,” incensing special-needs advocates while losing CBS a sponsor, yet keeping Big Brother‘s tradition of wildly offensive remarks by contestants alive and well.

Strategic downshift
After players who knew each other were systematically voted out during the first and second week, strangers Allison and Sheila thought it would be hilarious to masquerade as longtime lesbian lovers. The joke is now on them, as the lie (since revealed) has targeted Allison for eviction.

Go to smell
In an HOH competition, the preening roomies voted to give up laundry privileges in exchange for keeping their workout equipment. So not only do they parade around like imbeciles, they stink while doing it.

Classy, as always
In a heated argument with Amanda, Chelsia suggested she should get a noose. ”Just like your dad,” smirked Joshuah, referencing Amanda’s father’s suicide. It’s a new Big Brother low — at least until season 10.

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