Social climbers, unite. Simon Pegg (Hot Fuzz) schmoozes with the New York media elite in How to Lose Friends & Alienate People (10/3)…. Scary Movie 4 spoof-meister David Zucker skewers Hollywood in his Christmas Carol parody An American Carol (10/3)…. Sadly, it’s unclear if the Drew Barrymore-voiced Beverly Hills Chihuahua (10/3) is a send-up of the Eddie Murphy classic comedy or simply a movie made for Paris Hilton…. If tiny dogs give you the nasty urge to punt something, opt instead for the sports drama The Express (10/10), about the first African-American to win the Heisman Trophy…. In a story as old as time, a teenage boy is on a quest to lose his virginity in Sex Drive (10/10)…. But boys who go to the movies with their mothers might have a more comfortable time watching Bill Murray in the underground fantasy world City of Ember (10/10)…. Greg Kinnear invents the intermittent windshield wiper in Flash of Genius (10/17), then takes on the U.S. auto industry…. Speaking of Detroiters made good, you may not be able to afford Madonna concert tickets, but there’s always her directorial debut, Filth and Wisdom (10/17), about three dreaming and scheming roommates…. Since Madge has gone highbrow, she might get a kick out of art-house hero Wong Kar-Wai’s rigorous massage of his 1994 martial-arts epic, Ashes of Time Redux (10/10)…. Anne Hathaway, as a grief counselor to plane-crash survivors, has the worst job ever in Passengers (10/24) — then, to make matters worse, her clients suddenly start to go missing…. The maker of Brick returns with The Brothers Bloom (10/24), starring Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo as clever con men who go googly-eyed when they meet Rachel Weisz…. In Breakfast With Scot (10/10), a flamboyant 11-year-old orphan lands in the home of a straight-acting gay couple (Tom Cavanagh and Ben Shenkman)…. Kristin Scott Thomas tries to make nice with her long-estranged sister in I’ve Loved You So Long (10/24)…. And Edward Norton glowers at his brother-in-law Colin Farrell in the New York cop drama Pride and Glory (10/24)…. Horror fans not yet fed up with remakes of foreign films and shaky camera work can watch some screaming souls stuck in an L.A. apartment building under Quarantine (10/10)…. Gossip Girl devotees can ogle Chace Crawford flirting with a girl who may well be Satan’s minion in The Haunting of Molly Hartley (10/31)…. Finally, if you saw Saw IV, the release of Saw V (10/24) is probably already marked on your calendar.