Annie Barrett
September 19, 2008 AT 11:19 PM EDT

And now for your never-enjoyable-or-even-interesting View Rumor of the Month…Elisabeth Hasselbeck could be straying from the gaggle for an anchor position at Fox News. Which has us thinking: Since the current View lineup boasts the aural equivalency of a bunch of pots and pans tumbling off a wall, Hasselbeck’s potential replacement should really be some sort of item you can buy for much more than it’s worth at Williams-Sonoma. I’m thinking a large, stone mortar and pestle, to represent the uncontrollable teeth-grinding that occurs whenever I have to tune in. Having the sound effect there permanently would just make the show more true-to-life. Any other ideas?

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