Tina Jordan
October 15, 2008 AT 04:14 PM EDT

Aside from a mortifying stint on Celebrity Fit Club, the majority of Maureen McCormick’s new memoir reads like a generic checklist of bad things that can happen to child stars, mixed with tedious musings about being “blessed and cursed by the same thing.” Don’t feel like shelling out $20 to hear the story of Here’s the Story? Well, in short order:

—McCormick had a wild crush on set on Barry Williams (Greg Brady); he, in turn, had a crush on Florence Henderson.
—She got miffed when a much-younger Eve Plumb began to develop breasts first.
—She quickly lost interest in schoolwork and “ordinary” friends. Drinking, shoplifting, ice-skating with Michael Jackson: These were the norms of her celebrity-studded adolescence.
—After her high school graduation, The Brady Bunch came to an end, and McCormick’s life devolved into a predictable and toxic Hollywood cocktail of alcohol, drugs, abortions (at least two), serious depression, bulimia, and more.

I don’t want to demean what happened to McCormick, which is very sad, but if there ever was a book that didn’t need to be written, it’s this one. If you think you’ve read it before, well, you have—or something exactly like it. Which got me wondering: Which celebrity memoirs have you actually found worthwhile? Make your recommendations in the comments section below, and spare a Brady Bunch fan from hours of ennui.

More on Maureen McCormick, ‘The Brady Bunch,’ and celebrity memoirs:
A Q&A with Maureen McCormick about her country-music ambitions
Literary cred for Tori Spelling
A ‘Brady Bunch’ classic line makes our list of 24 Endlessly Quotable TV Quips

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