Whitney Pastorek
November 21, 2008 AT 05:07 AM EST

First, there was Barbara Walters on The View this morning: “There are some people who have done this show and then for years feel they have to dump on it, maybe for their own publicity. Um, and, that not only hurts me, but I resent it. So, if the shoe fits, lady– ladies— get on with your lives.”

Then (inevitably), there was this:

[blip.tv http://blip.tv/play/Adu4c4TFWw%5D

After the jump, my colleague Tim Stack and I convene a meeting of EW’s Team Rosie Appreciation Society to discuss the latest contretemps in what historians are even now recording as the longest slumber-party slap fight in history.

Tim Stack: Why is Rosie picking fights with a 79-year old kindly, brooch-loving newswoman?
Whitney Pastorek: Because the brooch-loving newswoman is biting the hand that fed her for a year, despite the fact that she already severed that hand and threw it out in the snow?
Tim: Well, I think the story is a lil’ more complicated than that. And, why must Rosie do webcam stuff without hair or make-up? At least run down to Duane Reade and Vidal Sassoon that situation!
Whitney: I’ll take a poorly made-up woman with a brain over those squawking biddies with their stylists any day of the week, my friend. And I do. Have you seen the way I dress?
Whitney: Anyway, I think we’re missing the point. So is Rosie just trying to drum up publicity for her upcoming sure-to-be-a-beautiful-disaster live special, or is she like this all the time and we only notice when she’s already in the news about something else?
Tim: Why would she need to drum up publicity when she has such a buzzworthy line-up of guest-stars, like…Alanis Morissette and, um, Liza Minnelli?
Whitney: Oh please, Patches, like you wouldn’t stand in line to watch whatever the hell Liza Minnelli has planned.
Tim (by the way, my nickname is Patches): Fair enough. I don’t want to make it sound like I don’t still love Rosie because I do. I love ya, Rosie! I’ll always be on her side…unless she decides to make Riding the Bus With My Sister 2: Home Perm.   
Whitney: And again: Oh please, Patches, like you wouldn’t stand in line to buy that on DVD.
Tim: That’s very true—I was hoping that by speaking its name, the movie would come to fruition! You know you’re free, Andie MacDowell!
Whitney: I’m still waiting for Green Card 2: This Face Cream Doesn’t Have Enough Botox In It.

(Meeting adjourned.)

More on Rosie O’Donnell, ‘The View’:
Rosie and Babs: The smackdown transcript
‘Sassy’ Elisabeth Hasselbeck believes in Maverick Sarah Palin
It’s Official: Rosie’s Headed to NBC Prime Time!
Vote for Creepiest Halloween Costume (‘The View’ edition)

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