Scott Brown?s Hit List
1. Lindsay Lohan flour-bombed by animal activists Grain activists then pelted the animal activists with gravel, spurring a mineral rights riot.
2. Barack Obama interview helps 60 Minutes score its biggest ratings in nearly 10 years The numbers topped even Morley Safer’s agonizingly slow 2003 striptease.
3. Justin Timberlake says the star-studded TRL finale was ”like a high school reunion in a way” ”Except nobody’s fat or happily married.”
4. Bahraini sheik sues Michael Jackson And then the Iron Sheik piled on and put him in a camel clutch! Terrible day for Michael.
5. Rumors of Miley Cyrus’ death greatly exaggerated by alleged YouTube hacker Why do we keep falling for this stuff? I’m old enough to recall the Times’ infamous ”LIZZIE MCGUIRE EATEN BY SNAKES” headline.
6. Charlize Theron is named a United Nations ”messenger of peace” Angelina Jolie was then appointed ”deliverer of violence.” They will now be locked in combat for all eternity.
7. Audrina Patridge says there’ll be a fifth season of The Hills Oh, thank God! Because this nation can’t take any more hits.
8. Scarlett Johansson says she hadn’t heard ”I Kissed a Girl” until she was told her lips inspired it Ryan Reynolds told her ”Allentown” was about her, too, just to get it on their wedding mix.
9. Green-powered billboard to debut in Times Square It will use alternative sources of power: wind, solar, and all those extra light-up numbers that the NASDAQ sign doesn’t need anymore.
10. Debbie Matenopoulos learns of husband’s divorce filing over the Internet It happened while she was surfing her Wiki page and wondering, ”Where am I now?”