What do you get the guy who has everything for Christmas? Plenty! Behold my 2008 wish list, reprinted below with permission from Santy Claus.
• Emmys for everyone involved with the final season of The Shield, especially series creator Shawn Ryan and stars Michael Chiklis, Walton Goggins, and CCH Pounder.
• Platinum eligibility with American Airlines.
• A storyline for House’s backburneritis-afflicted docs Jennifer Morrison (Cameron) and Jesse Spencer (Chase).
• A lopsided victory for USC at the Rose Bowl that earns them a piece of the BCS title. (C’mon, Santa, Hermie can whip this one up in his sleep; they’re playing Penn State, for chrissakes!)
• A completed Veronica Mars movie script.
World peace. This Smurf figurine to complete my collection.
• A Heroes volume that’s as solid in the middle and end as it is in the beginning. (Welcome back, Bryan Fuller!)
• A comeback for Nicole Kidman so ginormous it forces her mean-spirited critics to find another stunningly beautiful, Oscar-winning actress to pick on.
• No more stunt casting on 30 Rock…unless it’s Keri Russell, Lauren Graham, Cheri Oteri, or me.
• An exclusive exit interview with the fired actor who doesn’t yet know he/she has been fired.
• A fourth season of Friday Night Lights.
• A new contract that keeps Matthew Weiner calling the shots on Mad Men.
And end to the recession. A sushi bar at the Time Inc. cafeteria.
• A Grey’s Anatomy/Ghostbusters crossover.
• A fountain Diet Coke machine installed in my office.
Okay, I showed you mine – now you show me yours. What are you asking Santa/Hanukkah Harry/Kwanzaa Kenny for this year? C’mon, don’t be shy. I know they say the holidays are about giving, not receiving, but sources confirm to me exclusively that “they” are big fat liars.