Yo. SPORTS! It is time once again for that pinnacle of late-January athletics-associated entertainment. I do not mean the complicatedly choreographed dance of the large men disputing over the small brown diamond I have trouble locating on the screen. (I didn’t even know Arizona had a football team.) No, sillies, I refer of course to the steady stream of expensive – $3 million for 30 seconds! – Super Bowl XLIII commercials that’s about to gush into our houses…much like a refreshing bottle of Coke is about to trickle down, Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Waterfall-style, over a hitherto chemical-free woodsy paradise. The Hulu player embedded below will update itself with the latest ad spots throughout the night. Rant and rave about the commercials as you see fit, and I’ll be back post-game with my favorites.
Wait a minute! The TV has informed me that the Pepsi Max I was just about to chug is “the first diet cola for men.” Now what?! I AM SO THIRSTY.
*UPDATE: I REALLY LIKED…*
–Firestone: Taters I had no idea Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head could drive!
–Doritos: Crystal Ball Score one for the human race – that vending machine had it coming. They ALL do. Yeah, I’m talking to you, third floor soda. Watch your front.
–Cash4Gold: Heeere’s Money! Or – listen up, Dummies – “cash the number four gold dot com.” Ed McMahon and MC Hammer committed the number one hundred percent to the spot’s trashy-on-purpose vibe.
–Teleflora: Talking Flowers I got a distinct Liz Lemon vibe from the mean tulips who screeched at the hapless brunette just tryin’ to get her work done that no one wants to see her naked. (See: “Stop sweating, you IDIOT. What is WRONG with you, you stupid bitch?”)
–Denny’s: Thugs This semi-lame ad blatantly mocked IHOP, one of my other favorite restaurants, but any commercial featuring gratuitous closeups of sugar-embellished food (that appears to be smiling and therefore delighted to see me) rates very highly in my house.
–Hulu: Alec and Huluwood I’m really feelin’ the Hulu/NBC/Alec Baldwin love, all right? You might even say I’m “Feelin’ Alright,” right, NBC? RIGHT?
–Acura TL: Not included on Hulu’s player, but the first few seconds were kind of…hot. I’ll probably delete that sentence in 10 minutes. (Delete the number ten dot com.)
*A LOT OF YOU LIKED (BUT IT MUST BE A SUBJECTIVE THING)*
As an icy, heartless troll who’s just not that into oft-bucking animals or infants who can read scripts, I still can’t handle those terrifying E*Trade talking babies and Budweiser’s herds of the (admittedly) pretty horsies. Conversely, a lot of you disliked Conan O’Brien’s “I’ll never sell out/Now watch me do it in less than 30 seconds!” Bud Light: Swedish ad (remember when Diddy did the same thing with Pepsi?), but I loved it because…hello. It’s Conan.
*GIVE UP ALREADY*
–SoBe: Lizard Lake 2D Biggest WTF moment of the night by far. Raise your hand if you had even the slightest clue.
–GoDaddy.com: Shower Everything you think makes your ads “sexy”? Doesn’t.
–Cheetos: Chester the Cheetah I’m actually eating crunchy Cheetos right now, and think footage of me chomping on them “thoughtfully” would make a better commercial than what I just watched. Too much Chester, way too much CG, zero reassurance that I am totally awesome for sitting here eating Cheetos by myself. Everything about the situation = horrible.
Watch the ads above, then let us know what you thought!
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