Lindsay Soll
April 06, 2009 AT 07:37 PM EDT

The fifth season of that reality show about a girl trying to make it big in L.A. (yeah, remember when that was the main reason we watched?) debuts tonight on MTV. We already know the drama’s going to center on Lauren’s “surprise” (cough yeah right cough cough) birthday party guest, Heidi, so instead of focusing on the will-they or won’t-they reconcile their friendship angle (because, who actually cares anymore?), we’ve come up with list of the top five things we’re desperately hoping to see:

1. In the middle of the group singing “Happy Birthday” to Lauren, Heidi jumps on the table and busts out with her “More is More” track only to shudder in embarrassment, swearing that she “didn’t mean for it to leak.”

2. Spencer appears at the party clad in a butt-flossing neon green suit ala Borat and gestures at Lauren, “I’ve got your birthday present right here.”

3. Frankie reveals himself as the secret boyfriend that Gretchen of The Real Housewives of the O.C. had been hiding all along. Housewife Tamra’s son Ryan shows up and punches Frankie in the face. Brody continues to laugh his ass off.

4. Audrina, jealous that none of the attention is on her, shoves The Hills cameras out of the way to make room for her own crew. Mark Burnett didn’t okay the early shooting schedule for her series but is won over when Audrina decides to vote Stephanie off the island, er, out of party.

5. Channeling his favorite well-coiffed vampire Robert Pattinson, Justin Bobby publicly discusses his personal hygiene stating for the record, “I also don’t shower.”

What do you hope to see when the reality show returns tonight, Pop Watchers? And what’s going to keep you watching for the reason of the season? Check out Lauren’s preview and then discuss below!

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