Here are some things about last night’s episode that drove me nuts.
The blinkety-blink face Ramona gets whenever someone questions her judgment. Last night Bethenny wisely suggested the blonde one rethink her marketing strategy for peddling her True Faith jewelry line, her Tru ReNewal skin care line, and her Ramona-ness in general.
People who are rude and then just want to change the subject when they’re called out. Last night Ramona told Bethenny that the only reason Jill was her friend was because she was an underdog. If Bethenny had her act together (i.e., had a thriving professional life, a sweet book deal, shiny hair, high standards for the men in her life), Jill would move on to her next charity case. Ramona’s terrifically sensible friend Joni told her to pipe down and Ramona threw up her hands and said “Whatever, let’s not go there.” People who go there and then back off irritably, saying let’s not go there, are toxic.
People who quote Donald Trump. Again, Ramona.
People who run in traffic. Kelly, in micro shorts, grinning like an idiot on Percocet, as she ran down the middle of 7th Avenue, holding up some schmuck in the back of a cab who was late for work.
Owls. I used to like them fine, but now that Kelly is building a jewelry line around the red-eyed suckers, I shall move on to something untainted like sparrows or hawks.
People who say things like “Life doesn’t have a price. Fun doesn’t have a price.” (Kelly, talking about life or fun or free pancakes or handsome paid escorts from Argentina.)
People who say [insert meaningless sentence here]. And then say “Period.”
People who think that just because they’re writing a little book about etiquette that means their overworked publicist at an understaffed publishing house should immediately book them on Oprah. Countess, you know I inexplicably root for you, but please, a lady knows her place.
Yappy dogs who nip. Gin-gerrrrrr!
Yappy best friends who nip and look like they’re going to have an accident on the carpet when they see a handsome man from Argentina. Brad, how dare you tell Jill at her little apartment photo shoot that she looks better when the pictures are out of focus.
Finally, the thing that drove me battiest last night was when Simon went Sleeping with the Enemy psycho on Alex’s birthday. He likes to plan terrific surprises, so he bought Alex some earrings and gave her a bushel of roses. Then the plan was to go home and have some Gristedes cupcakes on a box table with the boys. I guess the driver missed a turn and blew the element of surprise. So Simon went cuckoo and started yelling and swearing and every now and then murmuring terrifying nonsense like “Pop Goes the Weasel.” Alex sat there quietly, waiting for the storm to blow over. Then les petite oeufs greeted them at home in Candy Land birthday hats, unaware that their father had suffered another episode. Cut to later that evening when Alex packed up a bag of bras and stuffed whatever invitations would fit in her duffel, tucked a boy under each arm, and disappeared into the rainy night.
Something positive now! My vote for best line of the evening comes from the couple who went to Zarin Fabrics looking for some drapes for their guest bedroom: “We’re not super-handy….We’re gay.”
What say you PopWatchers? Will you ever be able to look at Simon again without hearing him croon maniacally in the background “Pop Goes the Weasel…” Are you more likely to buy a book from the Countess or Bethenny? How about Ramona’s friend Joni as a replacement for Kelly next season?