Lynette Rice
April 16, 2009 AT 07:47 AM EDT

Being a (wannabe) cougar myself, I should begin this mini-TV watch on TV Land’s The Cougar by saying I have no interest in holding court with 20 men under 30 who go by names like Bodie and dream up cornball lines like “How will you taste me if I’m not on your plate?” Nope, can’t even say I’ve fantasized about ridiculous situations like this. Still, TV Land’s redux on The Bachelor franchise (both are from executive producer Mike Fleiss) still piqued my interest, if only to see if turnabout was fair play when it came to May-December romances. I’m here to tell you it’s not —  though I congratulate fellow sisters like Stacy Anderson of Arizona (a.k.a. the show’s first cougar), who have stretched their cute years well into their 40s (though I guess she’s only 40). But I got no pleasure in watching this commercial Realtor (with four kids of her own!) “kiss off” a bunch of immature schlubs so she could still hold court with 15 other immature schlubs. Seriously, what was so appealing about Ryan, the 29-year-old crow-eating sap from the military who made the mistake of saying she was “too old to be a cougar”? And really, did I miss something about Officer Nick, the 27-year-old meathead whose idea of a pickup line was to say, “You’re under arrest, for stealing my heart…you have the right to remain delicious”? And she kissed those guys, to boot! Even the bachelorettes on the ABC mothership didn’t have to smooch their picks on the first date. Yuck!

Still, I tried valiantly to play along. I gave a thumbs up to the 23-year-old martial arts instructor named Johnny for stripping down to his blue skivvies in a not-so-obvious attempt to show off his ripped bod. (And by God, it worked: Homeboy didn’t get the kiss off!) And I also was entranced by the adorable, blond Travis, even though the sight of him kissing the cougar on his 21st birthday made me want to wash my eye sockets out with soap (and seek absolution from my priest).

What did you think of the show? Did you cringe — or clap — when Stacy kissed off the losers? Do you think she’ll find true love? Or are you secretly hoping that host Vivica A. Fox reveals herself to be the real (and well deserved) cougar of TV Land?   

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