Annie Barrett
May 11, 2009 AT 10:43 PM EDT

Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine’s obligatory yet clueless allusions to such insidery Star Trek things as “the fascinating Pon Farr ritual” on Saturday Night Live‘s “Weekend Update” is remarkably akin to what I’m doing right now: attempting to write a blog item about a franchise I knew very little about until I saw it this weekend. But it no longer has to be that way. We all loved the movie. We all have a right to talk about Star Trek!

I’d like to report that thanks to Zachary Quinto’s relentless Zachary Quinto-ness, I just had my second sexual fantasy about Spock. Trust me, it’s even more awkward when it happens in the office. When Michael Slezak came by a few minutes ago for a mini Kit Kat, I took off my glasses to make everything suitably blurry before attempting to give him some light verbal direction. “Act less human…Don’t smile…Stand on this footstool…You’re in space. Be in space…Why aren’t you in space? Will you please just diagonalize your f—ing eyebrows?” It was a little like the horribly misguided G.O.B./Kitty sex scene in Arrested Development. (“Glasses off, hair up! Ugh, glasses on!”) Alas, it wasn’t working. For so many reasons. Damn him.

Please share your own inappropriate thoughts about Spock.

More on Star Trek:
‘Star Trek’: Why Spock is cooler than ever
Box Office Report: ‘Star Trek’ soars with $72.5 mil debut
‘Star Trek’ star Chris Pine on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’: Um, will you marry me?
Owen Gleiberman reviews ‘Star Trek’

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