Michael Ausiello
May 11, 2009 AT 12:00 PM EDT

As we enter the last leg of the season, plot twists piling up on all sides, you can do one of two things: You can let the tension get to you and bite your nails down to nubs, or you can make fun of the suspense by trying to guess what’s going to happen to whom. Of course, you don’t have to guess which option I’m in favor of. As you will see below, I went ahead and compiled a by-the-numbers list of almost-spoilers — all of which take place within the next two weeks. Now it’s your turn. Connect the dots to answer your own burning questions. I’ll even give you a (big) hint: At least one incident from the list pertains to the finales of each of the following shows: Desperate Housewives, 30 Rock, House, Ugly Betty, The Office, CSI: NY, Smallville, Supernatural, How I Met Your Mother, Prison Break, Lost, Gossip Girl, 90210, Grey’s Anatomy, 24, and Bones. Mind you, in spite of appearances to the contrary, I can’t know everything, so there may be a surprise or three that isn’t mentioned below. But this rundown ought to be comprehensive enough to keep you up nights. Enjoy! FYI: The events apply to regular or recurring characters, not random guest stars. Also, the chart will be continually updated to ID the person (or people) connected to each milestone shortly after said milestone takes place. In other words, beware of spoilers! 

Number of couples tying the knot: 4

1) May 11: Cameron & Chase/House

2) May 14: Daniel and Molly/Ugly Betty

3) May 15: Melinda and Jim-Sam/Ghost Whisperer

4) May 17: Mike and ?/Desperate Housewives

Number of positive pregnancy tests: 2

1) May 14: Pam Beesly/The Office

2) May 17: Lynette Scavo/Desperate Housewives

Number of couples (maybe) having sex for the first time: 2

1) May 14: Booth and Brennan/Bones

2) May 19: Liam and Jen/90210

Number of confirmed fatalities: 7

1) May 14: Jimmy Olsen/Smallville

2) May 14: Davis-Doomsday/Smallville

3) May 14: Ruby/Supernatural

4) May 14: Jessica Angell/CSI: NY

5) May 15: Michael Scofield/Prison Break

6) May 15: Christina Rose/Prison Break

7) May 21: Molly/Ugly Betty

Number of first-time love confessions: 3

1) May 14: Cristina and Owen/Grey’s Anatomy

2) May 18: Barney and Robin/How I Met Your Mother

3) May 18: Chuck and Blair/Gossip Girl

Number of possible fatalities: 5

1) May 13: Juliet Burke/Lost

2) May 14: Izzie Stevens/Grey’s Anatomy

3) May 14: George O’Malley/Grey’s Anatomy

4) May 14: Tiva/NCIS

5) May 21: Hotchner/Criminal Minds

Number of babies born: 3*

1) May 15: Michael Jr./Prison Break

2) May 18: Sawyer Brooke Scott/One Tree Hill

3) May 19: Adrianna’s daughter/90210

Number of presumed-dead characters returning (in the flesh or as a hallucination): 3

1) May 11: Dr. Lawrence Kutner/House

2) May 15: Paul Kellerman/Prison Break

3) May 18: Lily and Rufus’ son, Scott/Gossip Girl

Number of characters sent directly to jail (or taken into custody): 4

1) May 15: T-Bag/Prison Break

2) May 15: The General/Prison Break

3) May 18: Olivia Taylor/24

4) May 18: Tony Almeda/24

Number of former loves resurfacing: 2

1) May 14: Holly Flax/The Office

2) May 21: Henry/Ugly Betty

Number of Cyndi Lauper cameos: 1

1) May 14: 30 Rock

Number of characters converting to Scientology: 0

Number of car crashes: 2

1) May 17: Mike crashes into Dave/Desperate Housewives

2) May 18: Bunch of ’em on 24!

Number of characters institutionalized: 2

1) May 11: Dr. Gregory House/House

2) May 17: Dave Williams/Desperate Housewives

Number of first kisses: 1

1) May 17: Bree and Karl/Desperate Housewives

* One of the three births takes place during a time jump.

Think you can match the season-ending events with the shows they take place on? Take your best shot in the comments section! Oh, and you shouldn’t necessarily read anything into the photo collage above. There could be some clever misdirection at work there.



addCredit(“Office: Mitch Haddad/NBC; Greys: Scott Garfield/ABC; House: Isabella Vosmikova/Fox; Smallville: Michael Courtney/The CW “)



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