Karen Valby
June 03, 2009 AT 08:49 PM EDT

Must we linger too long on ding dong Danielle and the dreaded BOOK. The book, Cop Without a Badge, that alleges our Housewife got nabbed in the ’80s for committing crimes of kidnapping, extortion, prostitution, etc., etc. Sweet Danielle’s excuse for the whole matter was impressively ridiculous: She was a model, recently returned from a fabulous shoot in Cozumel, and she went straightaway to see her boyfriend when she got back into town. “My boyfriend’s house was really big,” she told her gay best friend. “Like 30 rooms! I didn’t always know what was going on in the house.” Hmm, so like, this room was the pantry, this one held exercise balls, this one had strange men with scales and lots of plastic baggies, and when I peeked in, one of them slashed his finger across his throat, which was sort of weird, but who am I to judge?, and this room had a pole and I would practice my professional dance moves in there. What was my sin? Danielle, without ever addressing that nasty little mug shot, kept playing the victim and swearing revenge against her nemesis, Dina, who she somehow has decided is to blame for this whole matter that had stayed buried for 24 years.

Dina, whom I inexplicably love, acted her usual dry and nonplussed self. She doesn’t trust or like Danielle, but doesn’t seem to spend two figs worth of time thinking about her. Not when she had her baby Lexi to pack off for a two-week trip to Cyprus with her Father. Speaking of not knowing which room is which, I can’t for the life of me figure out where in the house Lexi and Dina said goodbye. There was a banquette bench, chickens stenciled on the window, leopard spotted picture frames, large crystal candelbras — is this New Jersey’s version of a mud room? Regardless, Lexi, who is so going to get her drink on in Greece, and Dina had a genuinely touching little goodbye. Dina’s tears were snotty and messy and punctuated with weird bursts of laughter and, hey, that’s how I cry! And that’s one of the few times I’ve witnessed recognizable behavior on this series.

These fuzzy feelings fizzled fast during the scene of Teresa informing 7-year-old Gia that she had booked a little TV gig. “Do you want to work at Gossip Girl?” Teresa asked excitedly. “Uh, you bet I do,” Gia purred. “A lot of people want me these days.” 

My favorite line of the evening went to sugar plum Jacqueline. Danielle called her over for a weird mafioso style toast with champagne. Danielle demanded loyalty, and warned the befuddled looking Jacqueline to keep her friends close and her enemies closer, yada yada. As they clinked glasses, Jacqueline leaned in and whispered innocently “Who are my enemies?”

What did you think PopWatchers? Any of you want to place money on the fact that Danielle is the one who leaked the book around town, knowing it would get even more screen time? Has Dina won you over? Did you want to give Gia a time-out as she went searching for that poor man Alberto to help her with her suitcase? 

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