Scott Brown’s Hit List
1. Johnny Depp says his private Caribbean island is a place where ”that rare beast — simplicity — can be had”
I’d rather have an island on which that even rarer beast — the unicorn — can be had. Or, at the very least, leased.
2. Photographed filming Piranha 3-D, Elisabeth Shue appears superbuff
Sweet. She’ll be primed for her upcoming role in Lifting Las Vegas.
3. Melissa Joan Hart opens a candy store
This is the other half of maintaining a ”bikini body”: eliminating the competition!
4. Children’s series Where’s Waldo? is being made into a live-action feature film
Originally a Robert Altman project, Waldo will now be shot in chaotic close-ups by J.J. Abrams.
5. Heidi Klum saves money by ”going to the park with my kids instead of shopping”
True: Hanging with your kids is depressingly cost-effective. Won’t it be nice when the recession is over?
6. In proposed reality show, Octomom Nadya Suleman looks forward to doing some of the filming herself
How, Nadya? Have you grown yourself a ninth tentacle?
7. Halle Berry in talks to star in The Surrogate
It’s about an Oscar-winning movie star who hires someone else to star in a movie for her while she raises a family.
8. Frozen-food company releases limited-edition Popsicles shaped like Daniel Craig’s torso and head
They’re already outselling those awful Timothy Dalton-shaped moon pies.
9. Megan Fox wants a ”sleeve” of arm tattoos
Thereby locking in a long career of playing the bad-girl love interest in direct-to-video John Cena movies.
10. Source says Jackass’ Steve-O gets tattoos to mark sobriety milestones
The man’s running out of room! He’ll need to outsource soon. Maybe to Megan Fox’s arm?