Marc Bernardin
June 18, 2009 AT 12:00 PM EDT

Dearest Michael Bay: I have seen many of your films and have enjoyed them greatly. Explosions, car crashes, shoot outs, giant metal things fighting other giant metal things: these are the things the modern action film are made of. As such, I love them all like tiny, violent children. I haven’t seen Transformers: Revenge of Robo-destructo-porn yet, but I expect it to live up to the title.

However, there is a movie coming out later this year that threatens to make your films look like a Fancy Feast commercial. I speak of Roland Emmerich’s 2012.

Judging by this trailer, 2012 is nothing but scorched earth, giant waves, and John Cusack and Chewitel Ejiofor getting paid. Wanton crap-exploding for two whole hours. And that last shot, with the U.S.S. John F. Kennedy crushing the White House?

Michael Bay, you just got served.

Love,
Marc Bernardin

P.S. My best to your awesome kitty.

Seriously, is that not the craziest trailer you’ve ever seen? My gods, it’s full of everything…on fire!

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