Mandi Bierly
June 25, 2009 AT 12:00 PM EDT

Maybe it’s because I think Brian Kinney would’ve loved the jacket-scarf combo Ashton Kutcher sports at the start of the new trailer for Spread — the film in which Kutcher stars as a “sexual grifter” who sleeps his way to the finer things in Los Angeles — but all I kept thinking watching it was, Why aren’t you Gale Harold?* I fear that the movie won’t be as dark and delicious as I want it to be. Instead, it’ll be something Oxygen could play on a Saturday night after A Lot Like Love. Different, but still safe. What do you think? More Anne Heche, right?

* When I wasn’t thinking Has Ashton’s voice always been that low?, Nikki is sort of a stupid name, and Wow, that looks like the same house he shot that Nikon commercial in.

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