Annie Barrett
July 22, 2009 AT 11:59 PM EDT

Stockholm Pride 2009 has gifted the Twitter community with a “How Hetero” test so that we can study the effects of heteronormativity — specifically its keywords — on society as a whole. It’s fun, but clearly bogus. EWAnnieBarrett is apparently 71 percent hetero (keywords: ass, gay, making love, milk, lash), whereas EWMichaelSlezak (ass, anthem, fishing, Madonna, body) scored a 72. Seriously, the system actually counts those keywords as “gay.” The notion that I am gayer than Michael Slezak is nowhere near as ridiculous as the insanity of either of us scoring higher than a 30 in the first place. Also, I refuse to believe I tweeted the term “making love.” But I guess I did.

At 66 percent hetero, EWPopWatch is gayer than both of us, thanks to keywords “ellen, madonna, steak, eulogy,” and the dreaded “milk.” For the record, EWMandiBierly is the straightest of us all, at a whopping 75% hetero. When asked to comment on this “victory,” she issued the following statement: “new york, cupcakes, cheeks, fishing, ass.”

Okay, what’d you score?

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