Victoria Beckham's 'American Idol' encore inspires (what else?) a protest song! | EW.com

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Victoria Beckham's 'American Idol' encore inspires (what else?) a protest song!

Victoria-Beckham_l

Victoria-Beckham_lThe Idolverse is atwitter with discussion about the meaning of Victoria Beckham sitting in on the American Idol judging panel in Boston this week – even though initial reports indicated she’d only be occupying the Paula Abdul Memorial Chair during the Denver callbacks. Is Beckham’s manager, Idol creator Simon Fuller, hoping to score her a permanent job? Her publicist says The Artist Formerly Known as a Warbling Mannequin Posh Spice is too busy with her clothing line to consider a full-time Idol gig, but as my Idol comrade mjsbigblog points out, “As if Victoria would turn down a spot on the biggest show in America for…Fashion Week.” And while deep in my heart, I know that Idol’s overlords aren’t self-destructive enough to give a vital spot on the judges panel to a woman whose No. 1. adjective is “may-jah!” and whose greatest talent appears to be teetering in front of the paparazzi, I have nonetheless been inspired to pen a little protest anthem to the tune of the Spice Girls’ first (and most devastatingly ear-wormy) hit, “Wannabe.” Sing along if you like…

Yo, now here’s what I don’t want, what I really do not want
Posh Spice I do not want, really really do not want
Where’s Sporty? Where’s Sporty? Where’s Sporty? Where’s Sporty?
‘Cause Sporty really really really she can sing-a-sing ha

If you want a voice coach, Kara could work
If you want a snarky Brit, Simon’s your jerk
But as for Beckham, she’s dull as dirt
Who the hell is she to judge future Lamberts?

Yo, now here’s what I don’t want, what I really do not want
Posh Spice I do not want, really really do not want
Where’s Scary? Where’s Scary? Where’s Scary? Where’s Scary?
‘Cause Scary really really really can be entertaining

If you wanna be the fourth judge, you oughtta have music cred
Or a sense of humor, not just a giant head
If you wanna be the fourth judge, please pick another show
Idol does not need you, so pack your s*** and go

What do you think about that? Now you know how I feel
Don’t even like your clothes! Yes, I’m for real
Oh Simon Fuller, is your noggin cursed?
Posh will make the Dawg seem like he is well-versed

Yo, now here’s what I don’t want, what I really do not want
Posh Spice I do not want, really really do not want
Where’s Ginger? Where’s Ginger? Where’s Ginger? Where’s Ginger?
‘Cause Ginger really really really killed with “Look at Me” ya!

If you wanna be the fourth judge, you’ll hafta win Paula’s fans
Follow her on Twitter, her salary demands
Posh should not be the fourth judge, her solo tracks are lame
Paula can at least dance, and “Straight Up” changed the game

So here’s a story from A to Z
Ms. Beckham? Sister, please
You gotta listen carefully
We got Ry on the stage, he makes a massive wage
We got Randy the Dawg who’s mostly in a fog
Si’s more than just a cog, he’s a real horndog,
And as for Dio-G…well, you’ll see
Come on do the twist to early Aerosmith
Come on do the twist to early Aerosmith

If you wanna be the fourth judge, let’s hear you sing “Wannabe”
Without your four bandmates, will you sound like a banshee?
Why you wanna be the fourth judge? It’s not like you’re a pauper
Go on back to London, and gives us Cyndi Lauper

If you wanna be the fourth judge
You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta
Twist, twist, twist, twist
Come on do the twist to early Aerosmith
Come on do the twist to early Aerosmith
Come on do the twist to early Aerosmith
Come on do the twist where’s Baby Spice? Ahhh…
If you wanna be the fourth judge!

(Follow me on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak, yo!)

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