Margaret Lyons
September 02, 2009 AT 03:44 PM EDT

While I object to non-Melrose Place entities using the term “the bitch is back,” I guess I can let this new Hills promo slip by. But just this once, MTV, though I wish you hadn’t yakned the official trailer from your site.

(Low-res quality, but it gets the job done. Better-quality version here.)

So! In the new season, we can look forward to Lo and Audrina’s hair colors approaching each other, Speidi achieving mind-blowing levels of worthlessness and a–holery (nice hat), the continued presence of the human enigma Justin-Bobby, and yes, the triumphant (?) return of Ms. Kristin Cavallari. As they like to say on this show, du-rah-ma!

“How can one person turn all of our lives upside-down?” wonders baby Pratt. Uh, because MTV pays her to do that, Stephanie, and they pay you to act like what’s on this show is your “life.” Come, now.

PopWatchers, I worry that more is crammed in this promo than I’ll see in any given episode. And yet you couldn’t keep me away from this mess with a whip and a chair. Does a Lauren-less Hills still do it for you?

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