Michael Slezak
November 20, 2009 AT 05:00 AM EST

The day before releasing his self-titled debut album, American Idol season 8 champ Kris Allen endured 39 separate interviews. Luckily for him, the first 38 were just a warm-up for a ludicrous descent into dishing on dangerous animals, fameosexuals, and the horrible lyrics of his season 8 victory song. Or in other words, EW’s Stupid Questions!

Your first single is called ”Live Like We’re Dying.” Keeping with that theme, if you had to wrestle a bear or outrun a cheetah, which would you choose?
I would wrestle a bear, because I could find a way to make it like me and it wouldn’t kill me. I feel like we would end up cuddling in a cave somewhere.

If you could’ve added one extra natural disaster to the lyrics of your Idol coronation song, ”No Boundaries,” what would it have been?
[Laughs] What was in there? A hurricane? Okay, what if there was a mudslide? What could you rhyme with mudslide? Mudslide…mudslide…mudslide. Bonnie and Clyde!

That works! Levi Johnston: Will you Google image search him?
What?

He’s posing for Playgirl, so…
I don’t even know who Levi Johnston is.

Fair enough. Okay, it’s 6 p.m. Do you know where your matching red aprons — the ones you and your wife wore on Idol — are?
[Sighs] You know what? We just moved a lot of stuff from Arkansas to L.A. They’re probably in those boxes, and my wife is probably hanging them up right now, as we speak.

Which event would you have demanded more money to play: Khloé Kardashian’s wedding or Simon Cowell’s birthday?
Errr. Probably the Kardashian thing. A lot of dramatic women there. I would’ve needed a lot [of money] to play there. If you did something wrong, they’d come at you with knives and stuff.

Jamie Foxx declared he was a fan of yours when he guested on Idol and sang his hit ”Blame It (On the Alcohol).” What do you blame on the alcohol?
You know what I blame alcohol for? Lindsay Lohan. Thanks. Thanks, alcohol. I have to hear about her all the time on TMZ now.

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