Ken Tucker
December 07, 2009 AT 06:23 PM EST

This morning on The View, Barbara Walters said that this Thursday’s appearance by Adam Lambert will be taped in advance, rather than live-to-tape as usual, “because people seem to be afraid of what he’ll do.”

Sherri Shepherd laughed at this excessive caution. “Why?” she asked. “Is he gonna take one of our heads and grind it into his crotch?”

Joy Behar, perhaps feeling a tad faint as this image entered her mind, said, “I wish he would. I’d like to see it up close.”

And although no one asked her, Elisabeth Hasselbeck said, “The only thing I was against was him sticking his hand up the woman’s crotch” during the American Music Awards.

Hate to say it, but it’s true: These are the times when one misses Rosie O’Donnell on The View… .

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