· Chairy and Pterri, call your agents! Pee-wee Herman announces a comeback!
· Elizabeth Banks hops from guest-starring on Modern Family to 30 Rock; officially forgiven for Zach and Miri Make a Porno.
· Colin Firth in A Single Man: as if Mr. Darcy landed in a (very sad) episode of Mad Men
· Johnny Depp is the only person who can pull off the Dickensian shaggy-boho look. Do not — we repeat — do not try this at home.
· Nicollette, we said, ”Don’t try this look at home!”
· Scrubs turns into AfterMASH.
· Lady Gaga meets Queen Elizabeth. World does not spontaneously combust.
· Miley Cyrus meets Queen Elizabeth. World considers spontaneously combusting, but is distracted by Miley’s outfit.
· Dean Cain stars in two holiday TV movies. Tom Welling, behold the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.
· Meredith Baxter comes out as a lesbian; Family Ties kid is arrested; Skippy quietly plots comeback.
· Topless photo of Roman Polanski fetches $11,000 at an auction. Wilford Brimley sets up a tripod and whips off shirt
· Eminem insults Adam Lambert, Clay Aiken, and Lance Bass. Yuck, but who’s this Lance guy?
· Daniel Powter named biggest one-hit wonder of the decade. Now that’s a bad day.
· Antonio Sabato Jr. shows up at The Lovely Bones premiere; is surprised to learn it’s not about him.
· A Swing at Love: the inevitable VH1 reality dating show that will employ all of Tiger’s mistresses
· The Situation on Jersey Shore. Or any situation on Jersey Shore.
· CBS cancels As the World Turns. Now that one, the world takes personally.