1. How to Be Famous, by Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt
Option 1: Be so genetically blessed that MTV offers you a reality series despite your lack of talent. Option 2: Um, kill someone?
2. Stories From Candyland, by Candy Spelling
A revenge-fueled memoir that’s way more bitter than sweet.
3. Barack and Michelle: Portrait of an American Marriage, by Christopher Andersen
This bio, packed with anonymous sources, lacks anything compelling.
4. Have a Little Faith, by Mitch Albom
Albom attempts to give even more Americans literary diabetes with his take on theology.
5. The Lost Symbol, by Dan Brown
One of the year’s best-selling books is also one of its worst-written.