TV

'Lost': 28 days to go!

Doc Jensen on the time until the premiere, which reminds him of zombies and...something completely different

28 DAYS ...AND COUNTING Are the castaways essentially the walking dead? Or is this the theory that ate Doc Jensen's brain?

28 DAYS...AND COUNTING Are the castaways essentially the walking dead? Or is this the theory that ate Doc Jensen's brain? (Lost: ABC; 28 Days Later: Peter Mountain)

It’s exactly four weeks until the season premiere of Lost. Four weeks = 28 days, which reminds me of 28 Days Later, the zombie classic directed by Danny Boyle, which reminds me how Damon and Carlton have long liked to joke about giving us a ”zombie season” during the show’s seventh year. (In case you missed this, Lost is closing shop after its sixth year.) But think about it: Zombies are dead people brought back to life by supernatural power, albeit in a rather monstrous state. That actually sounds like season 6 of Lost to me! After all, when we last left the time-traveling castaways, they were all about to die, but banking on quantum magic to bring them all back to life, albeit in less-than-whole form, i.e. minus the castaway experience. Meanwhile, in the Island present, we learned that the allegedly villainous shape-shifting Man In Black had assumed the guise of John Locke, which is totally ”castaway” + ”monstrous state.” See? It all adds up! My logic is hermetically tight…

Oh, waitasec. Zombie Bertrand Russell just kicked down my door and notified me that my logic is not hermetically tight. Then he ate my brain. Waitasec: I’m just KIDDING! Seriously! Whew, right?

My favorite pop culture zombie. He’s the pasty white one who yearns for a wardrobe upgrade.

As it happens, the same part of my brain that likes to pretend that Dan Brown is an extraordinary historian whose scholarship is worth emulating has also frequently considered the possibility that Darlton’s ”zombie” jests were intended as veiled clues hinting at Lost’s time-travel twist and Team Jack’s bid to produce temporal paradox. The link: Sci-fi legend Robert A. Heinlein’s 1959 short story ”All You Zombies,” an influential time-travel tale, one of the first to explore the noodle-cooking paradoxes that can be produced from excessive quantum leaping. [And cue my oft-repeated Heinlein-connects-with-Lost-many-ways digression: The season 3 episode ”Stranger In A Strange Land” — a phrase from the Bible, Exodus 2:22 — shares a title with a classic Heinlein novel. The author is also the source of various iterations of Lost/”Grok” theory. And doesn’t he possess an uncanny resemblance to John Locke? And one more thing about a writer I bet only 23.9 percent of you have read…]

Maybe I’m up a tree about my zombie clue conjectures. And I’m okay with that. Besides, zombie theory is stale and played out. So let’s start over and go another direction. It’s exactly four weeks until the season premiere of Lost. Four weeks = 28 days, which reminds me of 28 Days, the 2000 Sandra Bullock dramedy about a young addict’s successful journey through rehab. What does that have to do with Lost? D’uh! How about EVERYTHING? Get ready for one seriously ill-considered he-must-have-been-drunk-when-he-wrote-this theory. But together, we must….

NEXT PAGE: 28 Days? Demand a recount!

Originally posted January 5 2010 — 12:00 AM EST

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