Did you catch Ugly Betty in its new Wednesday-night timeslot last night? Well, if you didn’t, catch up on Hulu (but first, read my catch-up post from yesterday) because it was yet another fantastic episode, featuring Wilhelmina’s triumphant return to Mode, a bunch of weird Betty-themed artwork by her boyfriend Matt, and Marc’s delectable new “boyfriend” (played by Becki Newton’s real-life brother, no less—how perfect!). Slam dunk, in my mind.
Also a slam dunk (seriously, what’s with my uncharacteristically and very un-Ugly Betty-esque fratty vernacular today?) last night were the hilarious one-liners. No surprise! There were actually 24 fantastic quips, by my count, and I’ve got them all here for you. Enjoy!
“I’m a professional. I don’t get grossed out by food caught in braces.” —Betty’s dentist Dr. Farkas, during an appointment with Betty
“You see, it’s the little things that’ll get you. One day Matt is saying ‘Miss you much,’ and the next day it’s ‘Pop! Pop!’ Murder-suicide.” —Hilda, about Matt’s growing obsession with Betty
“She actually thinks Emporio Armani and Georgio Armani are brothers! Ha!” —Marc, about Mode’s clueless new creative director
“You can’t miss ‘Puck Night’! C’mon someone around here will want to go to a hockey game. OK, maybe not….” —Betty, to Matt, after looking around the Mode office quickly and realizing that every other man who works there is gay
“Spooky! You’re trans-Mexifying right before our eyes.” —Amanda, to Marc, after a photo of Betty during a slide show of Marc-only photos
“Thank you so much for the ride, Bobby. It’s Elizabeth Taylor week on Lifetime, and I could not miss Butterfield 8. She plays a prostitute who has to pay for her sins.” —Justin, after Bobby gave him a ride home from school
“I didn’t think he’d be back so soon. His passport accidentally ended up in my bag. Completely innocent, fully deniable mistake. But now it’s like he’s some sort of stalker! I knew that was him at my gym and my bank and my backup gym…” —Marc, about his new “boyfriend” Troy
“I’m your first? Aren’t you like 40?” —Marc, after his “boyfriend” Troy tells him that he was the first guy he’d had sex with
“I don’t care if it’s Donna Karan or dog food—it’s just somethin’ to sell.” —New Mode creative director Denise Ludwig, digging herself into a fashion-filled hole
“Now that Suzuki, is he gay? Because I thought I saw him sneaking a peek at my Snookie.” —Denise Ludwig, after fashion correspondent Suzuki St. Pierre interviews her
“Oh my lover is good! At painting!” —Betty, to Frances, who insists on referring to Betty’s boyfriend Matt as her “lover”
“I give you one simple task. Why am I so surprised you frakked it up?!” —Wilhelmina, to Daniel
“It’s Dum-Dum. Uh, I mean, Daniel. Probably misplaced his beard comb again.” —Marc, when his boss Daniel calls
“How would I know what she was doing in South Dakota? I don’t even know where that country is!” —Amanda, trying to wiggle out of telling Wilhelmina why Claire went to South Dakota
“I could make that happen. Of course! I may not be in charge now, but I will be again, and I can make your dreams come true. Or I could keep you stuck behind that reception desk until your skin turns the texture of a weathered Louis Vuitton overnight bag!” —Wilhelmina, in her attempt to get Amanda to tell her why Claire went to South Dakota
“Did you get this from Betty? ‘Surprise showing of new work from emerging artist Matt Hartley.’ My lunch is emerging from my stomach!” —Marc, talking to Amanda about a message she got from Betty
“If I knew he was a ga-virgin, I never would have taken his delicate flower!” —Marc, to Amanda, about his new “boyfriend” Troy
“No! He is imprinted on you like a gay duckling. If you don’t wean him off you slowly, he’ll die.” —Amanda, warning Marc about what’ll happen if he just drops his new “boyfriend” Troy without notice
“Come. People are just dying to meet you. And not just people. Peeeeople!” —Frances, to Matt, at his art opening
“The real Matt? Or the Matt who’s a human sacrifice and you’re an Aztec warrior cutting out his heart?” —Marc, at Matt’s weird art opening, after Betty asks if he’s seen Matt
“Or the Matt who’s an astronaut and you’re an alien embryo bursting out of his chest?” —Amanda, at Matt’s weird art opening, after Betty asks if she’s seen Matt
“Those aren’t selling for as much. There’s a bidding war for the one of me climbing the Empire State Building holding you in my giant, hairy hand!” —Betty, after Matt says that he did paint some pictures of her that were actually flattering, unlike the majority of them
“Look at you, you’re an Adonis. You’re like a gay Hugh Jackman!” —Troy, to his new “boyfriend” Marc
“There are trends to be set, dreams to be trampled!” —Wilhelmina, in a hurry during her return to Mode
What’s your favorite line from last night’s episode, “The Passion of the Betty”? What’d I miss? Tell me in the comments below!
More ‘Ugly Betty’ Bites from EW.com:
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: The 11 quippiest gems from last night’s episode, ‘Be-Shure’!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: The 18 funniest lines from last night!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: 10 genius lines from Friday night’s great episode!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: Enjoy the best 19 quips from the best episode of the season (so far)!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: 18 Betty-ful clips from last night!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: 19 hilarious lines from last night’s episode!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: 15 great lines from last night!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: The best lines from Betty’s makeover premiere episode!