'30 Rock': The 10 best lines from 'Klaus and Greta' and 'Black Light Attack!' | EW.com

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'30 Rock': The 10 best lines from 'Klaus and Greta' and 'Black Light Attack!'

Liz! Jack! Kenneth! Tracy! James Franco! Oh man, 30 Rockers, when it’s good it’s good, and we got two, two, two episodes for the price of one tonight. Let’s do the top 10 lines of each and then some general thoughts, shall we?

The 10 best lines from “Klaus and Greta” in chronological order:

++ “I knew it was a character from Blossom, but I couldn’t find the Joey Russo button.” – Tracy, who’s about to go into too much detail

++ “…probably having beach sex, which is the third best sex after elevator and White House.” – Jack, who needs you to look something up on YouFace

++ “Objects are made by men, and used for many purposes… but we never… love… objects.” – James Franco, who’s just in a business relationship with the ottoman

++ “Kenneth, Jonathan, I need one of you to help me with a very special assignment.” – Jack, who’s about to go all Lorelai Gilmore on an answering-machine message

++ “I know it’s a girl, Liz Lemon, because I yelled ‘Susan B. Anthony’ at the moment of conception!” – Tracy, who’s going to name his daughter after the place she was conceived

++ “Having ice-cold diarrhea from drinking too much Jamba Juice? It’s everything I ever wanted!” – Jenna, who might be known as “James”

++ “Albino Monk!” – Kenneth, who’s just looking in a mirror

++ “Your hand feels like a pillow that’s been in the microwave.” – James Franco, who knows “paparazzo” is singular

++ “Did you not learn the nation’s airport codes in high school?” – Kenneth, who knows God can see him in the morning

++ “Before you got here, were you an air scientist? Because your ass blah blah blah, you get the point.” – Tracy, who doesn’t want women to be someone’s daughter

Good times, good times. And now the 10 best lines from “Black Light Attack!”

++ “You’ll have to ask the fella who whittled ‘em for me!” – Kenneth, whose teeth aren’t glowing under the black light

++ “But my biggest problem with quidditch is: If the snitch is 150 points, why does anyone bother with the with the quaffle?” – Twofer, who is so, so right

++ “That girl has a name, Jack. We call her ‘Skankovich.’” – Liz, who knows Tron jokes

++ “They’re called Spanx!” – Jack, who knows about weird underwear

++ “But those were my majors at the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks!” – Jenna, who might want to cling to fame with her Gollum arms

++ “What is happening to me?!” – Kenneth, who can hear all kinds of frequencies

++ “…their Stars, both Wars and Trek….” – Jack, who is very angry and sleepy

++ “It’s funny – all my ‘aha!’ moments end with a mustache pushed against me!” – Jenna, who wants to be forever young

++ “My secret is, I’m in love with Liz Lemon.” – Jack, who knows the difference between secrets and lies

++ “I don’t care! I’m having a gooood time!” – Liz, which started out as a joke but is becoming real

On the whole, both these episodes were terrific. James Franco’s goofy appearance (the pillow-love is based on a real thing!) was the right balance of outlandishly stupid and still super entertaining, and Jenna’s self-absorption was funnier here than it usually is. Plus I’m loving Cheyenne Jackson, whose chemistry with Alec Baldwin was terrific. One thing that stood out was how much serialized plot these two eps covered: Jack’s crush, Tracy’s fatherhood plan, Danny’s acclimation to the series. For a show that’s usually so episodic, it was an interesting – and from where I sat, totally successful – change of pace.

Okay, PopWatchers, before I take you back to the Port Authority; What’d you think of 30 Rock?

Image credit: Ali Goldstein/NBC

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