Just as we were getting ready to return to an untanned, GTL-free life where “situation” is just another noun, MTV announced that Snooki, the Situation, JWoww, and the rest of the gang will back for another season of Jersey Shore this summer. The catch? The cast will ditch Jersey and “find themselves in a new destination.”
Rational reaction: Obviously, the northeast was out of the question if MTV wants to shoot during the winter for a summer premiere.
Actual reaction: Are you kidding me with this?! Jersey was practically the show’s 10th castmember! (note: count includes Angelina and the duck phone) Where else could they go?
Okay, breathe. Let’s figure this out. Any new location would have to meet the following requirements: 1) Warm weather to facilitate casual nudity 2) Proximity to tanning beds and clubs with lax clothing policies 3) Umm… Nope. I think that’s everything. So, with those criteria in mind, here are my nominees for the new pad:
Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
The obvious choice. Mexico’s spring break capital would provide plenty of sunshine and rowdy crowds, and the crew could save money by installing a margarita dispenser instead of a faucet in the kitchen.
It might not be toasty there this time of year, but just imagine Mike meeting an Italian alter-ego who goes by “Il Situazione.”
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Summer in the southern hemisphere! Snooki discovers caipirinhas, the Situation creeps on distant relatives of Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen, and the whole crew learns that Carnival (or as they say down there, Carnaval) is more than just a cruise line.
Those are my picks. Your turn, PopWatchers: Where should our favorite Jersey kids wash ashore next season?