Sound Bites: This week's best TV quotes | EW.com

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Sound Bites: This week's best TV quotes

TV's funniest lines for the week of Jan. 19, 2010

”Why don’t you just crack a bottle of champagne on Ana’s pelvis and wish Danny a bon voyage?” —Gaby (Eva Longoria Parker), to Angie, about Ana and Danny being in a room alone together, on Desperate Housewives

”We can’t leave work in the middle of the day. We’re not Somali pirates.” —Lem (Malcolm Barrett) on Better Off Ted

”A few nights ago, Susan Boyle found a male intruder in her house. There’s speculation it was the first time a male had ever entered her house.” —Chelsea Handler on Chelsea Lately

”I swear to God, this guy’s one Scotch away from being Ron Burgundy.” —Jon Stewart, on MSNBC’s Chris Matthews’ post-State of the Union comments that he forgot President Obama was black, on The Daily Show

”The CEO of MySpace said this week that they plan to become more relevant in social media and are retooling the site to become a one-stop destination for music, gaming, and entertainment. Instead of what it is now?the Internet’s abandoned amusement park.” —Seth Meyers on SNL’s ”Weekend Update”