Michael Slezak
March 15, 2010 AT 12:00 PM EDT

The American Idol season 9 finals are upon us, and you know what that means, right? Overpowering accompaniment from the AI band and backup singers? Check. Kara touching Simon inappropriately in front of a larger live audience? Sadly, check. And, of course, crazy-preposterous-cool theme nights!

Since, apparently, Ken Warwick and Cecile Frot-Coutaz did not read my gallery of 18 Utterly Awesome New Idol Theme Nights, the Top 12 will kick off on Tuesday night with the music of the Rolling Stones. And while it’s always scary when cherished rock standards are placed in the clammy, trembling paws of singers like Katie Stevens and Aaron Kelly, at least we won’t find ourselves subjected to the music of Creed or Hinder this time around. iTunes already has uploaded the list of 50 Stones tracks the contestants get to choose from, so I took a swing at suggesting the perfect song for each contestant.

Agree? Think I’ve killed my eardrums by blasting Allison Iraheta’s “Holiday” one too many times? Have some suggestions of your own? Then head to the comments and get your brainstorm on! And to get all my Idol-related updates, follow me on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak! Now, without further ado…

Crystal Bowersox: “Gimme Shelter” (MamaSox needs to shake up the mellow-folk vibe and get her wail on; why not achieve that with one of the greatest songs of all time ever — one that, incidentally, upcoming Idolatry cohost Dawnie “Life.com” Walton and I love to perform at karaoke?)

Siobhan Magnus: “Sympathy for the Devil” (I can kinda hear her doing the Sandra Bernhard version, y’know?)

Didi Benami: “Time Is On My Side” (That lilting voice could definitely work on one of the Stones’ prettiest ditties)

Paige Miles: “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” (If she’s as good as Simon keeps saying, let’s hear her tackle the choral intro!)

Lacey Brown: “Beast of Burden” (But only if she slows it down and ditches the full band.)

Katie Stevens: “Wild Horses” (Although she’s probably only heard the Susan Boyle version. Sigh.)

Casey James: “Honkey Tonk Women” (Dude needs a more distinctive vibe than Bryan Adams 2.0; time to put a little twang on it!)

Michael Lynche: “Shine a Light” (Might be able to take the song’s Gospel vibe to new heights, and maybe make me a believer? Hey, the dude at least sings in tune!)

Tim Urban: “As Tears Go By”

Lee Dewyze: “Street Fighting Man” (I might convert to rooting for the belt-challenged dood if he’d sing a song that I didn’t loathe. Don’t fail me now, Lee!)

Andrew Garcia: “Miss You” (Dedicated, naturally, to Alex Lambert. Oh snapzzz!)

Aaron Kelly: “Ruby Tuesday” (I’m guessing he’s probably had dinner at the restaurant chain of the same name, so…why not?)

Image Credit: Michael Becker/Fox; Inset: John Spellman/Retna Ltd

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