How do you make those tough life decisions: chicken or fish? Coke or Pepsi? High school sweetheart or hot, young news anchor? Jack compared his Nancy/Avery dilemma to being forced to choose between Lee Marvin and Derek Jeter (That’s an easy one: Derek Jeter, always), as each woman represented something he wanted from life (don’t get too greedy Mr. Donaghy). There were so many awkward triangles, I just need to dance it out, so why don’t you get on to last night’s first 10 best lines?
“As my good friend and fox hunting partner Mary J. Blige would say ‘No more drama.’” – Jack, who loves peanut-butter-and-Miller-High-Life–flavored taffy
“Then tomorrow is the wine and cheese tasting…or as I like to call it, ‘singles fart suppression.’” – Liz, whose paychecks are a different color than Howie Mandel’s
“I’ve learned the word ‘black’ in every language, just so I know when to be offended.” – Tracy, who can even say it in dolphin
“Mrs. Doubtfire shimself could not do this.” – Liz, who attended the University of Maryland on a competitive jazz dance scholarship
“Get ready, son: All you’ve ever known is your affirmative action job and Queen Latifah Cover Girl commercials.” – Tracy
“Can we wait until the morning to fool around? Cause I’m exhausted and I got the night bloats.” – Nancy, who keeps beers wrapped in tin foil for her Amtrak rides
“And sure, people in this restaurant might think you’re my dad –”
“Or that you’re my prostitute…” – Avery and Jack, who likes jelly beans
“Tiana, Mulan, Pocahantas, Jasmine – wow, she’s right!” – Pete, whose dad was in the masons with Dave Garroway
“Jarem! Look how drunk I am! And how full of cheese my mouth is!” – Jenna, who started Jenna’s Kids, a summer camp that teaches blond girls to be mean
“Happy Birthday, bitches!” – Will Ferrell as the star of the short-lived NBC action-drama Bitch Hunter, produced by Ben Silverman
I give Liz credit for going to her local YMCA singles events, and love that Jenna accompanied her totally not out of moral support. Do you want someone who loves musicals, but will just shut their mouth when you’re watching Lost? Or do beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince turn you on? And is Jarem the best character ever or what?
For the 10 best lines from last night’s second episode “Khonani,” click here