Annie Barrett
April 30, 2010 AT 05:48 PM EDT

An abridged version of The Slore War, currently staged between two American ice lords with a fondness for things that are Russian:

1. Stars on Ice didn’t pick Johnny Weir for the post-Olympics U.S.-based tour.

2. Evan Lysacek, the Vancouver gold medalist who is touring with Stars on Ice in between spray-tan sessions at Dancing With the Stars, told the Indianapolis Star, “They only hire the best to skate.”

3. On Wednesday’s Wendy Williams Show, Weir called Lysacek a “slore” (combo platter of slut + whore).

4. Weir told People Thursday, “We are at war. My claws are out,” adding, “I have no respect for Evan Lysacek.”

5. Lysacek releases a statement calling Weir “an accomplished and talented skater” and wishing him well at his New York show. “I let my personal feelings cloud my judgment in how I answered a journalist’s question about Stars on Ice and Johnny that I should never have answered,” says Lysacek. “I should have known better.”

Like the Boer War of 1899, the Slore War could last three years and be very bloody until both parties finally sign the Treaty of Tassels in 2013. As a spectator, I hope the Slore War’s soldiers experiment with weaponry — why limit yourself to mere claws when a Lycra spandex bodysuit could make such a great whip, a particularly sturdy giant sequin could potentially function as a meat slicer, and toepicks are deadly already?

Team Evan or Team Johnny, PopWatchers on Ice? Watch Weir say “slore” after the jump.

More PopWatch on Ice: Johnny Weir responds to commentators who questioned his gender, example he sets

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

Image credit: Junko Kimura/Getty Images

You May Like