Eric Trump, giant son of Donald, lion-like brother of Ivanka, guest-starred on his first Celebrity Apprentice last night. At 6 ft. 5 inches, the 26-year-old Executive VP and possible vampire is the tallest in the family. As EW’s Dalton Ross, the person who cares the most about Celebrity Apprentice in this universe, wrote directly to Eric Trump in his recap: “I had no idea your father had sired a giant. But what struck me most was not your freakish height, but rather the way you continually kept bringing your hands in front of you and tapping the fingers together like a maniacal Ernst Stavro Blofeld.”
Indeed, Eric Trump could huff and puff and blowwwwww your remaining Celebrity Apprentice contestants out of the studio! We’re not saying he will crush them. We’re merely marveling at the ease with which he could. Here’s how we see it playing out. Timber!
- Holly: Eric would tragically lose his balance around her (preferably when she’s “laying down tracks” at a recording studio)
- Maria: Blow-dryer war; settled within seconds
- Curtis: “sitting pretty” staring contest
- Bret: Those aforementioned constantly tapping fingers would only need to nestle themselves a few feet within Bret’s weave to wreak pure havoc. Once the fluttering knockwursts found themselves attracted to the rocker’s latest “blue raspberry jam” head scarf, forget it. Eric likes beautiful things. Look at him. He’s delighted.
- Sharon: tragic 240-degree swing of the left arm
- Cyndi: friendly pat on the head (Ivanka aiming aerosol hairspray from her own boardroom seat, but dude, Ivanka, you’re not helping, Eric’s got this)
Then he’d race to find Selita Ebanks sitting calmly at her laptop, having just tweeted “Hahaha” in response to @doobieman21’s observation that “don’t donald trump son eric look like a #2 pencil! while he sittin up there snitchin’ on holly! lol.” And it would be bye-bye to Selita, then, too.
Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett