Sandra Gonzalez
May 05, 2010 AT 08:14 PM EDT

Image Credit: Robin Wong/PR PhotosOnce upon a time, in the age before Bieber fever when teen idols wore their bangs split down the middle into what was lovingly referred to as the ”floppy ‘do,” I was a screaming and crying Backstreet Boys fan. So when I read reports that Kim Kardashian is getting death threats from overzealous Bieber fans after the duo Twitter-fawned over one another and posed this photo, I became nostalgic. It took me back the days when I was hop on dial-up and spend five minutes loading a message board so I could bash whatever girl was on the arm of Nick Carter that week. Mind you, I never threatened to kill anyone, but I am familiar with the scary, enthusiastic place where they’re coming from. But here’s my advice for Bieber devotees: Bring the crazy factor two notches, breathe, then bring it down 20 notches, and you’ll be in the normal fan zone. It’s a happy place.

Bieber had his own words for his supporters, Tweeting “ladies calm down. @kimkardashian is a friend. a very sexy friend but a friend. no need 4 threats. Let’s all be friends and hang out often,” punctuating with a winking smiley face (because that emoticon was totally relevant to mention). Well said (in theory), Bieb, but let’s get serious. Being a happy fan is much more pleasant than being an aggressive one. As one of the reformed, I can testify. I bought my tickets to the Backstreet Boys’ upcoming New York show online and do not plan on doing any pre-show poster-making or stalking. Instead of feeling like I have to wear football padding to a concert, it’s all about the music, and I feel good. Here are my alternative suggestions for showing support.

+ Plan a flash mob

+ Send him peanuts in the mail (or a more relevant nut)

+ A small altar of worship

+ A vow of silence

Reformed fanaticals, help me out here. Anyone have wise words of advice to the Bieber army? Let’s be mentors here, lest one of us innocents be once day accidentally swept into a wave of fans and never heard from again.

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